So this weekend I saw a clip on the Daily Show that basically said Harvard was using money for maroon blazers and Lord Fauntleroy training. Awesome. And I'm going to go ahead and warn everyone who reads this that this particular "episode" is going to be a little more rehashing as I attempt to remember what made my brief stay in Dallas interesting. Em says she's interested, but I'm pretty sure she's just being nice. Anywomb, I'm going to try to go about this backward since I remember things best that way.
First of all, my Aunt Pat and my Great-aunt Harriet were in town this weekend, which I did not anticipate. Harriet is hilarious but I'm not sure she means to be. Just the other day she picked up a huge gray cat that my parents own that tends to bite off faces and showed us triumphantly through the window as he struggled in vain to be free. Both Pat and Harriet left today, which was a shame since I don't see them as often as I'd like. I also had a doctor's appointment today to which a certain friend said, "Yeah I need to go see the doctor so's she can dig around in my hoohaw." Really? 'Dig around'? Really? I suggest maybe 'prod' or 'scavenge' would be a better word. But not 'dig around'. At any rate, I won't go into any details, but suffice to say that with a nurse and the doctor, a routine checkup becomes somewhat of a crowd. I'm really more of a one-on-one person. Other than that I just worked out today with my mother's trainer Brent. He giggled about the trekkie story. Seriously, giggled. I also taught my father the word "fugly" today. I feel as if I've accomplished something.
Sooooooo over the weekend my brother, Noreen, and I all went to the Galleria and ate at this amazing sandwich place called Which Wich where they toast the sandwich for, oh say, FOREVER. It was hella worth it though. And the two of them tossed a bouncy ball at me when I was in the dressing room at Old Navy. Mature. On Saturday I gots my roots dyed the same color. I know, I know, after all of that thought and I look the freaking same. Lame. But I *do* have highlights for that summer sassiness we all want so much. Besides yet again having the best meal of my life at the Olive Garden, I also saw The Amityville Horror. Big. Mistake. First of all, I have seen the original. It's a lot of James Brolin and Margo Kidder running around before she went crazy. Nothing happens. There's kind of a reference to a hell hole at the end, the walls bleed, blah blah blah, and everyone escapes. Anticlimactic. Unfortunately, this one was updated to the times with hella creepy ghosts, things moving, a dog dying, and the ubiquitous Indian burial ground. I mean, at least they gave a reason for the house being haunted, but honestly, really guys? For the remainder of the evening I warned people about the Indian burial ground next to Bath and Body Works in the mall and in the backseat of my car. I know that when I torture Native American tribes in the trunk of my mom's Acura, I tend to make sure that I desecrate their remains before getting rid of them and then promptly building a house in the backseat where there's no seat warmers.
Anyway, Friday was my reunion, which was fun and awkward all at the same time. My outfit was perfect and I spat upon all of the other people there who were not dressed as pseudo trendy as I was. Cause, you know, you can't look like you're trying too hard. Yeah.... AND we saw Kung-fu Hustle, THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME that night. Seriously, it almost beats out my love for Deep Blue Sea, though nothing will take the place of intelligent sharks that can turn on ovens and change sizes. Beautiful. Thursday was uneventful except that my mom and I went to a panel of speakers from my high school and since she's 5'4", she managed to get plastered on something in between 2 and 4 glasses of wine that night. I only saw her toss back 2, but who knows what she was doing when I wasn't paying attention? It led to awesome moments like when she turned to me in the silent auditorium when a speaker was answering a question and said things like "That's just like you, Sweetpea!!!" "Shhhhhh!!! Arghhhhhhhh... What's the matter with you?!?!?!"
I'll miss my family, especially when the new puppy poos in my bathroom TWICE IN ONE DAY. Noone in this freaking house is a disciplinarian.
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3 comments:
I think the famed super-intelligent shark has a lock on my wish list's number three spot. I would keep it on my desk in a vase filled with water so that I could keep an eye on it and make sure it was not stalking me and attempting to devour my toes. Occasionally I would take it to the kitchen and put it in a large tureen, though, in order to give it a chance to foist itself out of the water and program the microwave. Perfect popcorn every time.
(FYI, number two on my list is a pocket-sized monkey riding on a pocket-sized pony. Number one is a miniature man who would live in my pocket [the other pocket, not the one with the monkey and pony]. He would own a pair of tap shoes and a pair of clogs and would eagerly tap dance/clog on my palm if I asked politely and put out a small balsa wood panel to use as a dancing platform.)
(Number four is a flea circus.)
why is emily the weirdest girl i know? she will also read this comment and giggle uncontrollably, and then proceed to defend her sanity.
I read it and started laughing at the first sentence. YOU, jason!, must be psychic.
I am not insane. I am just fanciful.
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