Best work application ever

I am at present online applying for a job for July at an overly respectable retailor in Dallas. This is all part of my never ending quest to not be forced to work in administration for the rest of my paltry life. Firstly, I would like to point out that cats are no good for filling out applications online. Serafina (yes, she has a name) has finally moved on to bigger and better things like biting my ankles, but I doubt this boon can last. It's hard to know who you're putting down as your reference when a fat kitty is sitting in front of the screen.

Anyway, I'll tell briefly about my weekend at the end of this post, but I just have to get off my chest how funny this application is. At the beginning of it all, you tell them where you want to work and then there's a series of questions they ask, java style. So I say "Dallas, TX" since that is where I will be living. One of the first questions they ask me is "Is the job you're applying for in Maryland?" Oooooookay. I hit "no" and move on. Then they ask typical questions such as "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" etc. and then "Is the job you're applying for in Maine?" Uhhhhhh. No. What? I'm beginning to wonder if they're going to move through all the states when the test switches forums to what appears to be a personality test. Most of the questions were "Are you talkative", "Do you play well with others", "Are you a lazy bum that will inevitably start playing solitaire on the computer the second we turn our backs" and so on. And, most recently, "It is maddening when the courts let guilty criminals go free". I have no idea why that is on an application to work retail sales. Wow. Also, "There's no use having close friends, they always let you down". If I didn't know better, I'd say I was being psycho-analyzed whilst attempting to apply to a freaking department store. I'm selling pants, people, not working in a psychiatric ward. "People are often mean to you". Sup, four eyes?

Well we'll see how the job search goes in general. I figure it can't hurt to apply someplace prestigious like a law firm. Oh wait, I'm not doing that. Actually, one of the jobs I looked at today said that it requires "a strong sense of urgency". Hello, Ma'am, we'd like to offer you avon makeup NOW NOW NOW!!! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES!!! THE GOVERNMENT WILL STEAL YOUR MONEY AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL EAT CATFOOD UNTIL THEY STARVE WHEN THEIR FATHER CAN'T PROVIDE FOR THEM!!! How much can I put you down for?

Moving on, my weekend was generally quite fun. Just your normal concerts, parties, hanging out with my fake hubby Jeff. Turns out Alex is now jealous that I have chosen another gay man over him, to which I respond, A) I said I was going to marry Jeff when he was straight and it was an option and B) Alex, when you said you wanted to fake marry me last week, you then subsequently totally spurned our love in public. Lame. Saturday was too much drinking and activities that led to very odd dreams. Basically, the dream was multifaceted and long and so weird that I don't really feel at leisure to explain it, but what got me is that for part of it I was more or less leading on two guys. One that resembles very closely someone I actually know and the other who doesn't exist but was super hot. I occasionally have dreams that I would say downright confuse me. It's like I have decided either on a relationship status (read here: friendship) I have or feelings I do or don't have for other people and then I have a dream where I'm either dating them or they're in love with me. I wake up, get a little freaked out, and then, you know, go back to sleep. I lurve to sleep.