Grammar is for wusses

Oh the stories I have to tell. Alas, I feel that many of them won't be very funny since you kinda had to be there, but I'll try to relate what I find most amusing from the past week or so. I am at present home for the long awaited wedding of my friend Tara to beau Tracey. My first action when I got back was to go purchase a properly unsavory gift for her. Instead of putting thought into what could be a lovely wedding gift, I opted to go to a few "novelty stores" and pick out some classy gifts such as pink furry handcuffs, classic porn (we fast forwarded through Debbie Does Dallas - four words: ew and more ew), a "lover's kit", and, naturally, a vibrator shaped like a rubber duckie. Of course, all of this violates my preferred wall that I keep in place in terms of the sex life of my friends. Don't. Want. To. Know. But, hey, I got into the spirit of things. For her actual party we went out to Jen's lakehouse, swam around, got lake water in my bacteria infested retinas, managed to avoid tossing each other off of the sea doos, made dinner, and then got smashed on sangria and some horribly sketchy margaritas. The obligatory penis cake was made and presented, as well as penis gummies and a lollicock. It's kind of like Christmas, but with a very staunch emphasis on "penis". And with only women. And bad porn. Okay so it's not like Christmas. Shut up.

In more unexciting news, we went by DQ twice, once on the way there wherein I received a jar of pickles that just happened to be surrounded by a burger. On the way back I asked Jen to order me just a burger with ketchup to avoid the horror of the pickle incident.

Meg: Hey, don't get any pickles this time. If I eat one more I'll puke.
Jen: Hi, I'd like to order a burger with ketchup and extra pickles.
Meg: Uhhhh...
Jen: A lot of extra pickles. Like, really, a ton of pickles.
*punches Jen in the arm repeatedly admist laughter from the backseat*
Meg: God I hate you people.

Then when I got home I slept and told my parents about watching porn, which was met with much awkward silence. There will be more about Tara's wedding and the general festivities, but I wanted to take this moment to rehash some important correspondance that I received at HLS late last week. I was reading more letters from high schoolers and below that just kinda want info from the law school, paraphanalia, etc. One of my favorite sentences was, "I am interested in your school because I am very persuaded to making it there, because I want the best education." I have no idea what that means. None. Zero. But, my favorite letter of all time is what I shall close with below. I have copied it verbatim from the letter we received, except for not including his last name. It is truly amazing. Clearly, the poor boy is foreign, but really? THAT foreign?

To Whom it May Concern:

I, Bobby want to be in your law school. If you may let me in your school I will respect my peers and be willingly to learn. Please, if you may send me back some information about your school like the population you have. I want to see some of brochures if you can send them.
Can if you may see that I really want to participate in your school? Why the school is have different parts like a law school and than a medical part? Can you tell me why that has happened? Oh yeah, also, can you send me some catalogs and an enrollment application, so then I then might come here to visit or I might can come in your school and be in your school. I heard that I you have to have a lot of money to come to school?
Thank you, Bobby N.