I have spent a lot of time lately looking at the personal ads on Craigslist. Not because I'm shopping them, although that's not beyond me, but rather because I find them so consumingly funny. The w4m, or "women for men" are alright but predictable. Most of them are pretty much women showing off their junk in various and asundry sultry poses and then describing their ideal man. Ironically, I would argue that most of the time, that description does not include a body qualified other than a general "healthy". That isn't to say that women don't have some sort of preferred body type, but rather that they like to keep their options open. I'm looking at one right now entitled "I'm not a fairytale princess" that lists qualities that she won't compromise on and those she will. That's a descriptive list. It definitely weeds out the wheat from the chaff. No, certainly most of them aren't that helpful. Most of them are about a paragraph or two and say general things, but they're usually phrases like "I'm dancing and clubbing" and less "you must have size DD breasts". Some of the more amusing ones ask for sugardaddies and whatnot, and sugardaddies looking for women "to spoil" are pretty common on the m4w side of things as well. Moreover, every single one of them that includes a picture that is a picture OF THEM. Although I did just read someone's post that included the words "CATHOLLIC PRIEST". That's right, two L's.
Which brings me to m4w, or "men for women", in case you missed that part. The second post provided today is a married man looking for a mistress, though they neglect to phrase it that way. There seem to be lots of those, but I say "whatever". I'm a big fan of marriage so it bothers me, but it's also not my problem since it's not my values dying slowly inside of me a little bit everyday. Also, what does "petite" even mean? Why do all of these ridiculously tall men want elves for girlfriends? Which brings me to my main point, and this is going to be vaguely cruel, if you are not "the whole package", then you shouldn't be looking for only "the whole package". We all have faults. We love people because of and in spite of them. What we do not do is ignore our own faults and refuse to accept little eccentricities in others. Below I will provide a typical example of an ad on the m4w board:
*****
I am looking for a woman that has a great sense of humor, an opinion, and can hold her own in a conversation.
Please have the following characteristics:
Medium to long hair
Black or Brown hair
Beautiful eyes
Natural beauty
Spanish or Latin looks
Sweet voice
Tall
HWP
25-45 yrs.
Open Minded
Fun/Open Personality
Emotionally secure
No baggage
Dresses Up as well as Jeans
40yrs old, live in my own home, have a good job, good credit, take care of myself, and have been told I am cute.
If any of this has peaked your curiosity, drop me a line and let's chat.
Talk to you soon.
-Bill
P.S. Plenty of pics to send after we determine if there is any chemistry.
***
What the HELL? How SPECIFIC can we get?? Also, everyone has "been told that [they're] cute". My father says it to me all the time. Do I believe him? Hell no! He's my FATHER he's SUPPOSED to say that. I'm not saying men are dogs, I'm saying they don't understand the art of posting online. There seems to be a derth of people that understand how to attract what they're looking for, let alone anyone. Women have this problem too. They're too ambiguous and, thus, seem to get a lot of "let's just do it, hot lips", or so there posts have told me. Also, men seem to think that including a picture of a sunset is acceptable behavior. It's not.
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4 comments:
i love reading personal ads so much! there's something so deliciously quixotic about everybody's laundry list of necessary qualities in a mate, and don't even get me started on the barefaced lies in the "about me" section. sure, it's a gross marketing of truths so stretched out that they've begun to lose elasticity, but it's also trafficking in the saddest form of optimism humanity has ever known. people on both ends of these ads are going far beyond the liberal estimations of physical dimensions calculated by standing tiptoe and sucking in the gut; they really are engaging in contortions that would make circus performers go very pale. just imagining these people standing in their drafty one-bedroom basement apartments, trying to convince themselves that they are emotionally mature greek demigods in between bites of chubby hubby, is much better than theater.
I particularly enjoy the 'casual encounter' listings on craig's list. Always amusing. Hope to see you around here this spring!
In Mother Russia, inquisitive finds YOU.
Anyhow, would someone please explain to the illiterate engineer here how an inanimate object can be inquisitive?
Amy, don't be a snot. We both know that my blog has taken on a life of it's own. It would almost have to since I never post to it.
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