I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm posting now out of desperation.
There is a fly in my office that is, and I'm not kidding about this, the size of a small cat. That bastard has been living in here and whizzing around my head for about a month now and I think I've finally reached the limit of my patience. He brought all of his little friends in last night and guess what? I opened up a big ol' bottle of pain with my Napa Style because it's the ugliest catalog I have ever seen and the man who owns it quotes himself. That's just ridiculous, but I digress. I thought I had gotten the ringleader too, but he's back and I think he's angry. Frankly, I'm frightened for my life and everyone is out of the office until tomorrow morning. Any suggestions on how I'm going to kill the biggest fly I've ever seen are welcome. In the meantime, I have adopted this strategy:
1. Scream like a little girl every time it comes within 5 feet of me.
2. Try to squelch screams to maintain my aura of professionalism.
3. Valiantly take a swing at it with my Napa Style, Harvest 2005 edition. Yeah, I'll "Celebrate the Flavor of Life", Michael. Jerk.
4. Return to crying softly over my lean cuisine because I have been out thought and out maneuvered by a fly for OVER A MONTH.
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3 comments:
My suggestion would be to keep a huge teleporter in the corner of the room, lure the fly into the chamber (use Jeff Goldblum as bait), and zap it into another dimension or, you know, Sleepy Eye, or however those damned things work. I don't know, I'm not a scientist.
Adopt a pet frog. Duh. Make it a big one though, bigger than your average small cat sized fly. And then it'll eat the fly and it's cronies, and shit on your desk. But you could easily line your desk with the amazingly well written magazine you've been using unsuccessfully. Just a thought.
Cheers,
Jerome
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg!
words with e's in are wierd if you say them like that.
how are you? based on this, you seem OK, but stubbornly single, like me. so that's good. i have five blogs, for some reason. you can find them all at casleygera.com. have a look and let me know what you think! x, Rav From Noises Off!
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