I'm back I think. Am I back? Oh hell, I don't know.

I write this post for several reasons. A) Brandon sassed me about not writing about whatever it is I write about, B) Liz asked nicely and C) I realized today what it must feel like to be insane.

First things first, quick recap. During the last year I have:

1. Gotten a job at a catalog company wherein I write and edit copy and manage marketing stuffs.
2. Moved into a new apartment which I'm renting from my parents. This means that my mother can scamper in there at any point in her day and she totally does. Just a few days ago I discovered two random lamps.
3. Watched a key to my apartment pass through my mother's hands and on to the plumber, AC man, two of her friends, and some guy named Rudy. It took me 3 weeks to get one from her.
4. Decided to apply to get an MBA. I'm not through yet and I'm rockin' the South. Just visited New York and though I love my peoples, I don't like dirty things.
5. Dated and dumped/been broken up with by two boys. Both lovely, attractive people, proving yet again that there IS something wrong with me. Take THAT, self-esteem!!
6. Gained a hippie hairstylist who believes that I'm naturally very intuitive. He wants to teach me how to swing dance. And read my chakras.
7. Officially become Amy's maid-of-honor, my highest goal in life. I strive to make her wedding day run smoothly and promise not to get drunk off my ass until 10 pm.
8. Bought a stocking for my pumpkin. His name is Edgar.

So that about sums that up. And I think #8 is a perfect place to start to explain my brush with insanity today. I decided today was the day I would finally get my father's birthday present, as well as gifts for my coworkers. As I'm typing this I realize I forgot one, which makes my left eye twitch a tiny bit, but I'll worry about that later. Post buying books and CDs, I moseyed on over to the café to purchase a life-affirming pumpkin spice latte and some holiday tea and encountered who I think might have been the stupidest employee I've ever met. Don't get me wrong, she was a real sweetheart and I'm not usually impatient so overall the interaction didn't bother me, but she did manage to mess up pretty much everything she could have. She also charged the girl behind for a random membership when all she wanted was mints, but I'll get to that later. As a result of her coworker having to remake everything the Blondie* had done, I had ample opportunity to stand and observe. It was a red-letter day. I tried to buy two tins of tea, she asked me if I wanted them hot (Me: "I don't get it..."). I try to buy a sandwich cold, the girl toasts it.

At some point some guy named Rick came over to correct a financial transaction Blondie had attempted (see above: mints v. membership). In that moment I was reminded of a skit on SNL I had seen with Amy Poehler where she plays a young girl with an uncle Rick (Horatio Sans). In the skit she makes this guttural scream of sorts trying to get Rick's attention, saying, "Rick! Rick! Rick! Riiiiiiiiiiiick!" I find this sketch very amusing and had an almost uncontrollable urge to mimic Amy's gut wrenching yell. I actually do it quite often, but you know, at home with my family or something. Never in public and never with a large group of strangers whom it would be impossible to explain myself to. And it wasn't the original impetus that worries me, it was the difficulty I had stopping myself. Even when I realized what it was I was doing, I almost couldn't block the sound. It was akin to being at a party and halfway through asking a woman when the baby's due, you realize she's just fat but you have to finish the statement. You know it's wrong but your mind's on autopilot. I think that must be how crazy people are, except without all the self-awareness and latte buying. To be honest, it might have been worth socially ostracizing myself for the shocked looks, but that doesn't make me insane. It makes me "eccentric". Stop judging me.

* Not a judgment, she really was blond. With lots and lots of electric blue eye shadow. Viva la 80s.