I sing ye praises, oh Guyver

I haven't seen a bad movie this awesome in awhile. It had it all. Monster costumes that were highly reminiscent of the same work in all 3 of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mark Hamill (I believe I got his name wrong in the previous post), and Asian fetishes.

Seriously, the love interest for the rather all American Kansas city boy is someone who is supposed to be Japanese, but I'm pretty sure that she's Chinese or, in some strange world, Korean. Either way, the protagonist clearly watches a ton of Anime and wants her pretty bad for the duration of the hour and a half movie. The girl's dad turns into a giant monster fish at the beginning of the movie while he's fleeing some corporation's other giant fish-esque monsters, except the chick monster is hairy, which I don't really get. Anyway, so the old supposedly Japanese dude dies and his daughter is all sad and Sean, the protagonist Asian lover, is all sad because he was so going to make a move on Miski, the Chinese/Korean/Japanese girl. He sort of comes across this weird alien artifact while he is clearly spying on her. Incidentally, the artifact is hidden....hold on, there's a steamy love scene on TV.

Okay then, false alarm. Anyway, the artifact that Sean finds is hidden in a lunch box. So of course the fish mutants kidnap Miski and Mark Hamill plays some random FBI agent that also turns into a bug mutant at the end and dies, but more importantly, Sean turns into this alien suit thing and kicks some ass. Right before they RIP OUT HIS BRAIN. So that was awkward. But he regenerates by first making tentacley eyeball juice love to Miski's hand, right before she freaks out and throws him into some monster's mouth. Then Sean pops outta that dude just like Athena, ready to steal cities from Poseidon. The end is super awesome because not only is Miski held hostage *with a handkerchief*, but the final boss looks like Skeletor had a love child with a Jackalope. An ugly Jackalope.

Well, the moral of this hasty posting is that you people hella have to go out and rent the Guyver. If I ever buy it, I'll be sure to pass it along, but it's pretty key. Ooh! Also, at the end, when Sean morphs back into stupid crappy Sean from his Guyver cool form, he, naturally, shows up buck naked in front of Miski, who looks suspiciously like she's seen it all before. I mean, the boy is as bare as God pushed him into this world, EXCEPT that he's wearing sneakers and socks. Ingenious.