Battle Royale

So it begins again. Spring is in full force, but in reality, Dallas simply cavorts blithely into summer as soon as possible. It was 84 degrees here today and could be called "moist". I stepped outside of my apartment this eve to go to a 10:30 pm soccer game (Lord knows why it's that late at night) and what do I find but *gasp* a spiderweb DIRECTLY ACROSS MY DOOR. I remember you, Spider (of DOOM!!), oh yes. Last year when it got warm, he was out there everyday, efficiently building his web across my pathway in what I can only assume is an homage to Arachnophobia. And not just that, but he had one of his little "friends" move into my car and BUILD A WEB IN MY CAR. I don' t know what I have to do to get this little bastard to stop creating some sort of web obstacle course that inevitably ends with me flailing my arms madly trying to remove what I'm positive is a spider the size of a burly kitten from my hair, but, by George, THIS is the spring where I figure out his weakness. It's on, Professor Spider of Doom. It's on like Donkey Kong.

Possible weaknesses:

1. Beer
2. Damsels
3. Kryptonite
4. Veganism
5. Puppies
6. Shoe sales
7. Unicorns
8. Vegan unicorn puppies
9. Windex

Other suggestions are welcome.