It's official

Nicholas Cage is goddamn crazy. Turns out, he has more ability to screw up his child pre-puberty than anyone I have ever come in contact with. He named his son Kal-el. Don't know who Kal-el is? Let me explain. Kal-el is the name that Superman's alien parents gave him. It's what he's called when he's in his "Fortress of Solitude" and being yelled at by Jor-el, his ornery father that lives in a quartz. Uh huh.

Okay, I love Superman. Not as much as Batman or Wolverine (mmmm Hugh Jackman - wow I'm a dork), but I love Superman/Clark Kent enough to accept that there are nerds big enough out there to name themselves that as they live in their constant Dungeons and Dragons fantasy. But I feel that this situation begs the question, "Why in God's name would you want to screw your kid up that much?" I realize that there has been discussions from my own mouth that involved thinking of names in order to give my future children complexes, but I don't think anything I came up with will have the same impact as this Kal-el Coppola Cage. Ironically, the Superman movie that Nicholas/Nicolas was supposed to do with Tim Burton was ultimately canceled back in the day because it sucked monkey balls, according to IMDB. It's like Nicholas Cage forever wants to live out his failures through his son. A noble effort, but when he tries to beat the stupid out of baby Kal-el because he didn't land that movie roll and DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO WEAR THOSE PANTS TO AN AUDITION EVER!!! YOUR READING OF THIS MONOLOGUE SUCKS!! YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN LIFE AND WILL FOREVER LIVE IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR RELATIVES!!!. I feel that Child Services might have something to say. On the other hand, it IS Nicholas Cage, so he could just crush Child Services with his Oscar. That's what I would do. Didn't he get an Oscar? Was that before or after Con Air?